Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I was tired of fighting.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Sunday Night Baseball Parlay, Picks, Predictions for Yankees vs Red Sox - Action Network

I had run out of hope.

I was tired of trying and failing.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

WBD Shareholders Nix David Zaslav’s 2024 Pay Package In Non-Binding Vote - Deadline

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

You are like me, then.

'Call of Duty: Black Ops 7' to Star Milo Ventimiglia, Kiernan Shipka - Variety

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Undercover cops in New York are riding the subways with iPods on to entice robbery. Is that a form of entrapment? If not, why not?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What World Does Bitcoin Want To Build For Itself? - Defector

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s still here.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Outer Worlds 2 Is Xbox's First $80 Video Game - Kotaku

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Be who you already are.

How do you write a letter to your uncle who sent you money for your birthday outfit?

The sadness was still there.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Eight Centers Lions Could Sign to Replace Frank Ragnow - Sports Illustrated

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

How can you tell if someone or someone's is trying to recruit or at least test you for a secret organization?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

And the sadness?